The Adventures of Vader and the Fearless Three
by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: A shuttle containing Vader and three stormtroopers ends up in uncharted space after an accident with a wormhole. An irritated Vader and three hyperactive stormtroopers then embark on fantastic adventures of exploration. Very weird crackfic WIP
1. Chapter 1

When the Executor is attacked by the rebels Vader ends up escaping in a shuttle with three stormtroopers. In a freak accident the shuttle is pulled through a wormhole and the four find themselves in uncharted space. What follows are

THE FANTASTIC ADVENTURES OF VADER AND THE FEARLESS THREE!

_AN:_

_This is what happens when you play with your SW figures for too long. Poor Vader, all alone with a group of hyperactive stormies... I'm planning to release a side thing to this, BTW, "_The Photographic Adventures of Vader and the Fearless Three_" which will be a bunch of captioned photo-frames forming a photo-comic._

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**THE FANTASTIC ADVENTURES OF VADER AND THE FEARLESS THREE**

**CHAPTER ONE**

Vader refused to acknowledge his companions, indulging in what in a lesser being probably would have been called a sulk. He absolutely refused to believe it. He was _not_ stuck in the middle of nowhere with a group of stormtroopers for company.

"I call a Commander."

"Why, you piece of bantha -!"

A group of noisy, sabaac-playing stormtroopers. Honestly, what had ever done to piss off Fate and land him in this situation?

_Gee, I think that killing the Jedi, helping Palpatine and _not_ bringing balance to the Force are on the list in there somewhere_, a treacherous little voice said dryly. Vader told it to shut up.

_But then, it is a pretty long list._

Great. Now even his inner voices were refusing to listen to him any more.

Vader suddenly became aware of the fact that a stormtrooper was three inches from his mask, staring at the lenses.

"He hasn't responded or anything," the stormtrooper announced, still staring.

"Maybe he's gone into shock," a second stormtrooper suggested.

"Or maybe he's sleeping," chipped in the third. "I mean, with that mask, who can tell? Actually, it's got to be pretty useful in meetings. Unless he snores."

"Or maybe the Emperor was controlling him through radio waves, and now we're out of reach he's just been left a lifeless husk," said the first one.

Vader glared. Unfortunately, as had been observed by stormtrooper number two, no one could tell.

"Dude, he's _already_ a lifeless husk."

That was it. Vader's helmet snapped round at him, and the next moment stormie number three was suspended in midair, dangling from the invisible grip on his throat.

Stormies one and two stepped back hastily and maintained a respectful distance.

Peculiar rasping, gargling kinds of noises came from the third stormtrooper. After a moment Vader released him – he only had three men, after all, even if they had decided that the need for respect was lessened due to the absence of the Empire in their lives – and stormie number three dropped to the floor.

"Ouch," the first stormtrooper noted with detached sympathy. A moan came from he heap of armour that was stormie number three. He slowly sat up and adjusted his helmet.

"I advise greater circumspection in future, trooper," Vader told him. A raspy sound of agreement came from the man. Vader turned back to staring out the plexiglass, letting the stormtroopers go back to whatever it was that they had been doing.

The three troopers continued to stare at him, even the one on the floor.

"Are you alright, sir?" asked one.

Great. They can't be respectful, oh no, but they can be concerned about me. Just great. Impertinent, motherly stormtroopers. Wonderful.

"I am fine!" Vader barked, although it boomed far more menacingly from his vocoder. The nearest stormie shuffled back slightly, but they didn't give up.

"Are you sure, sir?"

Vader sent him a look, and the man nodded, following this up with a salute. It had the look of a habitual response.

"Very well, sir."

&&&&&&&&

The three stormtroopers were all rather pleased to be away from the Empire. To be sure, they all enjoyed their jobs, although they could be somewhat difficult at times, not to mention dangerous, but that was what made things interesting. But here they were, free to explore the universe, their only duty protecting Lord Vader. He was an alright sort, Vader. Sure, he tended to go through officers rather quickly – so many of them were rather stupid, after all – but he wasn't one to just sit in a ship while his men did all the work. He never blamed the troopers for the mistakes of the officers, either, and very rarely killed any of them. He gave them orders, they followed those orders, it was all very nice, positive little relationship. So the stormtroopers rather liked him.

It had been Bob who'd noticed the way that Lord Vader had withdrawn. (Bob's real title was TK 12-345, but since they weren't in the Empire anymore they'd all chosen names, specifically Christian, George, and Bob.) They'd been in the middle of a rousing game of sabaac when Bob had suddenly spoken out of turn with a "hey, what's wrong with Lord Vader?"

He was simply sitting by the window, staring out.

"Lord Vader?" Christian had tried.

He hadn't replied.

"Sir?"

He remained motionless. Bob went right up and stared at him. It was in the little conversation that followed that George had made his dangerous remark and ended up finding out what it's like to levitate. Afterward the conversation about Vader's wellbeing the stormies moved to the other side of the room to discuss it among themselves.

"He's taking it hard, I think," George croaked.

"You were stupid, George," Bob told him. "I'm surprised he didn't throttle you to death. But yeah, he seems to be taking it badly."

"He _is_ one of the most important people in the Empire," Christian pointed out. "Losing that's gotta be kinda upsetting."

"Plus, I heard he had a son," Bob said in a loud whisper, glancing sideways at their topic of discussion, reassuring himself that Vader wasn't listening.

The reaction from the other two was immediate.

"A son? He has a son?" George exclaimed. The other two made frantic shushing noises, but too late. A black figure loomed over them, accompanied by the _hiss_ and _whoosh_ of a respirator.

"May I enquire _who_ has a son, trooper?" Vader asked in that smooth, deep voice.

"Uh – uh – uh -"

Vader leaned closer.

"He means you, sir," Bob supplied helpfully, moving backwards, leaving George to fend for himself. Christian backed away in opposite directions to both his buddies.

"I see."

Ominous silence.

"So do you, sir?" asked Bob. The helmet turned to regard him, and all three held their breath, bob sweating profusely at his own daring.

"Yes."

_Phew._ But wait -

"You _do_, sir?" All three were amazed.

"Yes," Vader allowed. "I have a son. He is a pilot within the Rebel Alliance. I would prefer it, troopers, if you would refrain from discussing my personal life."

He stalked out of the room, leaving the three men to discuss this amazing development.


	2. Chapter 2

**When the Executor is attacked by the rebels Vader ends up escaping in a shuttle with three stormtroopers. In a freak accident the shuttle is pulled through a wormhole and the four find themselves in uncharted space. What follows are**

**THE FANTASTIC ADVENTURES OF VADER AND THE FEARLESS THREE!**

_AN:_

_Actually, I only have clone trooper figures, but close enough, right? _

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**THE FANTASTIC ADVENTURES OF VADER AND THE FEARLESS THREE**

**CHAPTER TWO**

Vader was dreaming that he was standing in a bright green room while opposite him sat a long-haired girl reading a primitive databook.

Vader was surprised. His ordinary dreams tended to be horrific memories from the past, not visions of strange girls reading. Not that he minded, he added hastily in his mental wonderings (Fate is something of a bitch), he was just confused.

"Why am I here?" he addressed the universe in general. The girl looked up.

"Filler," she said simply. Vader was lost.

"Filler?"

She nodded.

"You gotta do _something_, and the 'flashback-to-Mustafa-or-similarly-disturbing-scene' thing is _so_ overdone. Figured you'd like something a mite less traumatic."

"I see." He didn't, but replied out of courtesy.

"Doubt it," the girl said amiably. Suddenly she offered him a bunch of roses. _Where did they come from?_ Vader wondered. _She didn't have them a moment ago._

"Want a rose?"

8888888888

_The three stormtroopers looked at the sleeping Dark Lord fondly. Vader mumbled in his sleep, but thanks to the vocoder it came out loud and clear._

"_Roses."_

"_Aww," Bob cooed, "he's dreaming!"_

"_Cute" George agreed._

8888888888

"You're offering me roses?" Vader asked blankly, flummoxed. This dream was just getting weirder and weirder.

"Yeah," agreed the girl. "Pick one; a bud, half-opened or full-blown."

She held out the bouquet invitingly. Vader continued to stare, but after a moment pulled one of the half-opened roses from the many in her grasp.

The girl nodded and smiled as though pleased about something.

"Thanks," she told Vader. "Nice choice, by the way. Things should get interesting."

Before Vader could ask more, his mind drifted into a deeper sleep where only peaceful slumber lurked.

8888888888

Vader awoke to find himself lying with a blanket carefully tucked around him.

_Damn stormtroopers,_ he thought. Shrugging off the blanket, Vader stood and walked out in search of the annoyances.

His three personnel were staring out the window at a large white-and-blue planet beyond.

"I say we should land," one of them said obstinately. Vader had clearly walked into the middle of an argument. "We can gather supplies here, and this place at least looks reasonably habitable."

Since he was stuck with the three of them, Vader decided to be marginally hospitable.

"Good morning."

Three helmeted heads swivelled as one.

"Morning, sir!" one stormtrooper said brightly. Vader frowned as he noticed the large 'B' drawn on his helmet in permanent marker.

The one with a 'G' on his helmet at once brought Vader into the conversation, before he had a chance to inquire as to why the stang they'd drawn letters on their heads. _Honestly, they look ridiculous._

"Christian wants to land, sir," the stormtrooper informed him. Vader blinked.

"Christian?"

"Me, sir," said the one with the 'C' emblazoned on his helmet. "I'm Christian, this cretin's George – "

"Hey!"

"– and that's Bob."

"I am not a cretin!" George said indignantly. "You're the cretin. _You_ want to land on an alien and possibly dangerous world that we don't know anything about, not me!"

As the argument began anew, Bob took the opportunity to bring Vader in on the situation without fear of interruption.

"I see," Vader observed once Bob was done. "Thank you …Bob?"

Inwardly shaking his head at the name – ignoring the fact that both Anakin and Vader are equally silly names – Vader turned to the still-arguing George and Christian.

"Stop arguing," he ordered. The two immediately turned to him, shocked.

"But sir! we're so good at it!" George protested.

"Exactly!" Christian agreed. "Why, we're so good at it, we think we might really be brothers!"

As one the two men removed their helmets.

"Can't you see the family resemblance?" the clones chorused, beaming identical smiles.

Vader closed his eyes and drew on the Force for patience. When he opened them again he noted with relief that they had replaced their helmets and were watching him contritely.

"Sorry, sir," Christian apologised. "We were just kidding. Have you come to a decision?"

Vader sighed.

"Yes. We land. Christian is correct; we need to gather supplies, and we do not know of any other planet that might harbour them."

"Uh, sir," Bob noted warily, "will we be able to escape the planet's orbit again once we've landed?"

Vader closed his eyes and sighed.

"Probably not. Bring us in anyway."


End file.
